Bài mẫu IELTS Writing Task 2: Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life.

Bài học viên & chữa lỗi

Bài của học viên (band ước lượng 7.0)

It is indisputable that advertisements have permeated every corner of daily life, and their impacts have garnered widespread attention in recent years. Despite some benefits of advertising, I strongly believe that this trend it has more negative implications overall.

A compelling argument can be made that people can benefit from advertisements because they provide consumers with adequate useful product information. For example, the audience can have a broader view of learn about product features, such as nutrients ingredients, style and size, through TV commercials, thereby leading to which can lead to better-informed decisions. Nonetheless, this line of reasoning is flawed because these adverts will interrupt viewers' viewing experience if their main aim is to enjoy films and other forms of entertainment, thereby leading to a sense of dissatisfaction the information in adverts is often one-sided, as companies tend to exaggerate the benefits of their products and hide their weaknesses. Therefore, advertising products relying on adverts for information can even be counterproductive.

In spite of some undeniable merits, I firmly contend that the proliferation of advertisements brings about more drawbacks. Firstly, it undoubtedly can reduces people's one's savings. Animated videos and convincing messages in ads appeal to customers' emotions, prompting them to purchase even unneeded products. This would may take away money from their budget for more urgent needs, namely such as healthcare and education, later in life. Worse still, a sense of the satisfaction that is derived from buying newly purchased products of buying new products tends to wear off quickly as soon as the items are once they go out of fashion. To compensate for this, it is then necessary to keep on buying impulsively regain this feeling, many people keep buying impulsively. Therefore, advertising could lead to a vicious circle where in which consumers constantly spend money on non-essential products rather than products of actual value things they really need.

In conclusion, despite some merits, I fervently believe that the drawbacks of advertising outweigh its benefits because it leads to overspending , impulse buying and a poorer viewing experience and impulse buying.

Nhận xét của thầy

• Điểm mạnh: quan điểm rõ ràng và nhất quán (tiêu cực); ý "vòng luẩn quẩn mua sắm" được phát triển tốt; vốn từ khá (permeated, proliferation, appeal to customers' emotions, wear off, vicious circle).
• Phản biện lạc hướng (lỗi nặng nhất): phía bên kia nói quảng cáo cung cấp thông tin sản phẩm, nhưng bài lại phản biện bằng việc quảng cáo làm gián đoạn khi xem phim. Đây là một tác hại khác, không bác bỏ được lập luận về thông tin. Phản biện trúng phải là: thông tin trong quảng cáo thường một chiều, phóng đại.
• Hai luận điểm ở thân bài 2 chồng lên nhau: cả hai đều nói về chi tiêu quá mức. Nên chọn tác hại thứ hai ở lĩnh vực khác (ví dụ sức khỏe trẻ em do quảng cáo đồ ăn nhanh). Kết bài cũng nhắc lại "a poorer viewing experience", vốn chỉ xuất hiện trong phần phản biện chứ không phải luận điểm chính.
• Mức độ khẳng định: "undoubtedly reduces one's savings", "would take away" quá tuyệt đối; dùng "can / may".
• Lặp cấu trúc: "thereby leading to" xuất hiện 2 lần trong cùng một đoạn.
• Dùng từ: "namely" chỉ dùng khi liệt kê đầy đủ, ở đây chỉ là ví dụ nên dùng "such as"; "nutrients" không hợp với "style and size" → "ingredients"; "it is then necessary to keep on buying" sai nghĩa (không ai BẮT BUỘC phải mua) → "many people keep buying"; "a sense of satisfaction that is derived from buying newly purchased products" thừa từ.